Still smarting from the recent encounter with the in-laws has resulted in too much eating, drinking and a distinct drop in loving(ness) and bedroom action. The beloved is currently the beloved idiot since his parents are bl**dy idiots. This is a BAD habit to have developed.
I need to lose the anger about them and forget the Easter weekend episode. I've been given great advice about limiting my number of visits to them and I will use the magic number of 4 as my annual allowance. However, I'm wondering how I can manage a minute in their company given it 10 days later and I'm still smarting. Letting go is my number one priority and I intend to focus on a challenge to distract my mind from wandering down those already formed channels.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Love and Loathing
There is of course a damage limitation exercise to deal with when you have vile in-laws. And it doesn't take much to constitute a vile in-law. Put simply an unacceptable in-law is anyone who displays inappropriate behaviour towards you, even if you can't quite put your finger on it, all you know is you experience something and you feel uncomfortable. You haven't done anything other than exists. No matter what reason you apply it isn't going to give you a logical explanation because there isn't one. You will need to pay someone to discuss this with to understand the psychological behaviour and learn coping strategies.
A vile in-law costs! If you can afford it find an Igor to help you through this but if not then you need to employ love as your main weapon against loathing. Loathing will strike you and make you eat, drink, cry and even shout. You will doubt your love and your beloved will become your beloathed. You will fight your loathing but this is actually what loathing likes best. It loves you to fight it, to attempt to suppress because loathing knows love is quite chilled and will take its time to get a grip of your heart strings. Love likes to languish, hence the first throws of love are drug like and intoxicating. You don't need to eat, you can sleep or be awake and all is bliss. Touch, taste and smell is pure sensory pleasure. You are released from your body as a means of labour and love gives you freedom from materialism, need and validation.
Hence love will not hurry or fight loathing, it just ain't loves style. Love will wait and send a vibe, a memory to remind you of love and your love for beloved. Meanwhile poor beloved is met only by loathing and has to feel your pain, be unable to help and bury its own pain further, deeper to erase the issue. Beloved is building a fortress to keep loathing at bay. Meanwhile the in-law *****rs are walking the dog, being miserable or fine and couldn't give a fig for the chaos or despair they have caused you because ultimately they are righteous and selfish. However, there are forces at play, mainly high blood pressure and so you sit and keep willing the male in-law to put more salt on his food, to keep drinking too much and hope.
Meanwhile you look for Igor...
A vile in-law costs! If you can afford it find an Igor to help you through this but if not then you need to employ love as your main weapon against loathing. Loathing will strike you and make you eat, drink, cry and even shout. You will doubt your love and your beloved will become your beloathed. You will fight your loathing but this is actually what loathing likes best. It loves you to fight it, to attempt to suppress because loathing knows love is quite chilled and will take its time to get a grip of your heart strings. Love likes to languish, hence the first throws of love are drug like and intoxicating. You don't need to eat, you can sleep or be awake and all is bliss. Touch, taste and smell is pure sensory pleasure. You are released from your body as a means of labour and love gives you freedom from materialism, need and validation.
Hence love will not hurry or fight loathing, it just ain't loves style. Love will wait and send a vibe, a memory to remind you of love and your love for beloved. Meanwhile poor beloved is met only by loathing and has to feel your pain, be unable to help and bury its own pain further, deeper to erase the issue. Beloved is building a fortress to keep loathing at bay. Meanwhile the in-law *****rs are walking the dog, being miserable or fine and couldn't give a fig for the chaos or despair they have caused you because ultimately they are righteous and selfish. However, there are forces at play, mainly high blood pressure and so you sit and keep willing the male in-law to put more salt on his food, to keep drinking too much and hope.
Meanwhile you look for Igor...
Monday, April 13, 2009
The warning signs
Truth is I should have read the warning signs. This occurred on a couple of occasions prior to baby/engagement/marriage. The dreadful reality of such ****wittage by the male in-law(note I can't use the term father-in-law as this would suggested some paternal patronage,care or regard) is that old conundrum should I have taken the evidence and walked away from my beloved. Because no matter what anyone says who would choose people that upsets them in their lives, particularly when you are a well adjusted fairly functional adult. The stress of others impacting on your relationship is hard to cope with.
The first alarming warning sign was when male in-law attempted to kill me. In his mind he would reason he was trying to expose me. Unfortunately for me I suffer with an allergy to a particular food and the severity of the allergy is I would suffer an anaphylatic shock resulting in death if I failed to receive treatment within a few minutes. That is the extremity if I ingested accidentally the food. It is a shellfish (I won't go into to much detail due to anonymity) and I have received full medical treatment, advice and carry an epi pen, antihistamine and wear a medi alert bracelet. Now I realise this is a pain, for myself and others but I do get bored of the idea that somehow one is being a) faddy aka Gwyneth et al with macrobiotic diets or b) somehow I can be cured.
In the case of b) mindless ignorance is a precursor of every ailment known to mankind. It usually takes the form of mind over matter. The male in-law is a big subscriber that everything is solved by mind over matter. Anyone displaying any ailment from a slight cold to cancer is a wastrel who is failing to sort themselves out.
Hence, the attempt on my life. I overhead the b*****d telling his friend that in the restaurant we were going to that night they had some great items I'm allergic to and he should order them. I heard this by chance and thought am I being paranoid. Mind you I'd suffered all week as beloved is a far better skier than me and despite the fact I'd mainly been with ski instructor all week to improve, I couldn't help but get the holding 'his son' back vibes because I was only doing black moguls not runs. Nor was I rushing to join them at every available opportunity. Never mind I was better than their son-in-law at skiing, nor complemented on my improvement by other party members, I should be bowing down to my beloveds superior skills and following him at 10 paces no matter what!
Given I was getting a battering I dismissed the food ordering incident, one wouldn't want to appear sensitive. Then, that evening prior to going out to eat, after telling his son some bad news he told him to control me! I wasn't allowed to cause a fuss if X wanted to order x shellfish that evening i.e. mention I was allergic. How my heart hardened at that moment - it was as if the ice queen has put a splinter of ice in my heart. I sometimes wonder if it didn't dent my love for then boyfriend now husband. But at least I knew the measure of the male in-law. Murderous swine.
The first alarming warning sign was when male in-law attempted to kill me. In his mind he would reason he was trying to expose me. Unfortunately for me I suffer with an allergy to a particular food and the severity of the allergy is I would suffer an anaphylatic shock resulting in death if I failed to receive treatment within a few minutes. That is the extremity if I ingested accidentally the food. It is a shellfish (I won't go into to much detail due to anonymity) and I have received full medical treatment, advice and carry an epi pen, antihistamine and wear a medi alert bracelet. Now I realise this is a pain, for myself and others but I do get bored of the idea that somehow one is being a) faddy aka Gwyneth et al with macrobiotic diets or b) somehow I can be cured.
In the case of b) mindless ignorance is a precursor of every ailment known to mankind. It usually takes the form of mind over matter. The male in-law is a big subscriber that everything is solved by mind over matter. Anyone displaying any ailment from a slight cold to cancer is a wastrel who is failing to sort themselves out.
Hence, the attempt on my life. I overhead the b*****d telling his friend that in the restaurant we were going to that night they had some great items I'm allergic to and he should order them. I heard this by chance and thought am I being paranoid. Mind you I'd suffered all week as beloved is a far better skier than me and despite the fact I'd mainly been with ski instructor all week to improve, I couldn't help but get the holding 'his son' back vibes because I was only doing black moguls not runs. Nor was I rushing to join them at every available opportunity. Never mind I was better than their son-in-law at skiing, nor complemented on my improvement by other party members, I should be bowing down to my beloveds superior skills and following him at 10 paces no matter what!
Given I was getting a battering I dismissed the food ordering incident, one wouldn't want to appear sensitive. Then, that evening prior to going out to eat, after telling his son some bad news he told him to control me! I wasn't allowed to cause a fuss if X wanted to order x shellfish that evening i.e. mention I was allergic. How my heart hardened at that moment - it was as if the ice queen has put a splinter of ice in my heart. I sometimes wonder if it didn't dent my love for then boyfriend now husband. But at least I knew the measure of the male in-law. Murderous swine.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Yes we all say that!
A friend and I were enjoying a much needed catch up. It was lovely to note that her love affair was progressing well and they were in the heady throws of purchasing a house. Ever the concerned friend I asked what her in-laws to be were like. The gushing reply of how nice they were and supportive cast me back to my own pre officially the ******* are my in-laws stage.
What happens? Before they officially become your in-laws they seem amusing, kind, considerate and quite the catch along with your beau. Even when you get it all the wrong way round and have child first and official wedding ceremony second there is no hint of what is to come. The shadow of doubt happens when the first photo to hit the sideboard after the ceremony, is not you and your beloved but them and your beloved! Because on the sideboard is a frame containing a photo of your husband, his sister, his mother and his father. You are not in the picture - literally.
Mmm, you think oh well they are waiting for the official photos and when these are available to choose they finally get round to one but you know they really wanted to choose the one of their son all on his own because they told you so! 'Oh we really liked the one of X but we choose this one of you both'. Gee thanks!
What happens? Before they officially become your in-laws they seem amusing, kind, considerate and quite the catch along with your beau. Even when you get it all the wrong way round and have child first and official wedding ceremony second there is no hint of what is to come. The shadow of doubt happens when the first photo to hit the sideboard after the ceremony, is not you and your beloved but them and your beloved! Because on the sideboard is a frame containing a photo of your husband, his sister, his mother and his father. You are not in the picture - literally.
Mmm, you think oh well they are waiting for the official photos and when these are available to choose they finally get round to one but you know they really wanted to choose the one of their son all on his own because they told you so! 'Oh we really liked the one of X but we choose this one of you both'. Gee thanks!
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